[Without having nothing else to do, he picks up Lovie into his arms. His allergies are going to be real death of him one day, he thinks idly as he stroke the kitten's fur.
There's only so much Sugane can read from a person, let alone someone who tends to be unreadable by default. Does Ryousuke like his stories? Interested? Think there's potential? It's really hard to tell.
Impatient and in need to take another allergy pill, he finally speaks up;]
I... guess I'm just to leave you read it by yourself and then come back another time?
[The way he looks at the notebook, it's almost as if he's reciting off a list of problems, revealing themselves between ruled lines.]
It's too straightforward. There's little flow. All the sentences are choppy, and when they're not, they're overly convoluted. Isn't this a little too purple?
Though really, it's not like it's much of a surprise. He's still very new at this and unlike Leader regarding his cooking, Ryousuke tells him right off bat which parts requires dire working.]
I see... but, nonetheless! I appreciate your criticism and will work hard in fixing these problems.
[Oh? There's no spluttering or protest or even blind shock. He really did accept it.
Ryousuke's passing the notebook back, and reaches for his tea. It's cold. As much as he doesn't like to leave a story unfinished, it seems incomplete as it is. There's a lot of reworking to be done.]
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There's only so much Sugane can read from a person, let alone someone who tends to be unreadable by default. Does Ryousuke like his stories? Interested? Think there's potential? It's really hard to tell.
Impatient and in need to take another allergy pill, he finally speaks up;]
I... guess I'm just to leave you read it by yourself and then come back another time?
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Whatever Sugane said, perhaps he didn't catch it? Because Ryousuke sure doesn't answer the question, cutting straight past it to pose one of his own:]
Do you want to hear my thoughts?
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Yes, please! I'd like any sort of criticism or thought you may have!
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It's too straightforward. There's little flow. All the sentences are choppy, and when they're not, they're overly convoluted. Isn't this a little too purple?
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[Finally, he looks over the notebook, holding Sugane's gaze, smile wide.]
It sucks.
[fucking savage]
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Though really, it's not like it's much of a surprise. He's still very new at this and unlike Leader regarding his cooking, Ryousuke tells him right off bat which parts requires dire working.]
I see... but, nonetheless! I appreciate your criticism and will work hard in fixing these problems.
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[He's more determined to make these as best as he can now.]
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Ryousuke's passing the notebook back, and reaches for his tea. It's cold. As much as he doesn't like to leave a story unfinished, it seems incomplete as it is. There's a lot of reworking to be done.]
Here you go.
[Maybe next time.]